|—||Richard Siken (via bornreadygeneration)|
I told my friend Anne Marie that I could come up with a list of 36 poems everyone should read to rival Buzzfeed’s list, which was great, but I felt was missing a few important names. 36 names to be exact. Here are 36 heart-polishing poems. 36 atmosphere-shattering poems. 36 poems I love by 36…
You look very young now
You’ve seemed sad for a while
I hadn’t noticed
All your hair is gone now
You look better this way
Everybody has their struggles
Tell me. How does it feel to be so sick?
Do you feel invincible? Do you feel like Death?
How much of me
Do you see?)
This isn’t nice
No one ever asks for more
Class, I’m not all here today
Part of me is on the shower floor
Victoria, it’s me.
The devil. I am Satan.
I can take you from this Earth
Any time I want
Are you ready for the torture chamber?
Victoria, don’t look behind
too often the word marriage conjures up images of
sexless resentment, overweight women who are never
tired men who smile with their mouths instead of
People say my husband or my wife and we think
the one who is tying me down the one who
is keeping me from myself Think of people who are tired
:of each other, of themselves, of their children, of their
dead end jobs
I hate to think that anyone would imagine such misery lay in store
for us When I twist the rings so new around my finger
I think of the word
it is never having to say goodbye
it is the most beautiful blue eyes that have ever painted this
I used to hate my body
sometimes I would stand in front of the mirror and sob
gathering handfuls of skin until I left
bruises shaped like my hands
losing you felt futile like that.
in those days I wanted to write with a razor
(-if I can’t have it with you then
I don’t want it at all)
: speaking I’m not here today,
part of me is on the shower floor
if you are ever jealous of the men I have loved before you
just know I only invoked the word ‘love’ with them because
you had not yet taught me
what it meant.
know there is a girl looking in the mirror who thought her reflection meant
she had to take what she could get
until you showed her that love could extend to herself
It was the breakup that you barely count, the one a few months ago, that lead me to the breaking point of deleting all the poetry I’d ever written. I cried the two hours home and in a rage deleted everything on my computer and everything on the blog I had built for you. It felt like digging up a garden with my hands. It felt like being pushed off the side of a mountain I’d starved and suffered to climb. At the end of a fall like that there isn’t really anything else to do but hold yourself and cry your eyes dry.
I could never explain to anybody how both having you and losing you revolutionized my life. Nobody understood what it was like to hold my future in my arms and then have that ripped away. They told me to just forget or to fuck somebody else not realizing that doing either of those things felt tantamount to killing myself. The first time we had sex I caught your taste in my mouth and since that night I haven’t been able to get it out. When I pressed my body to yours- when I came for you for the first time- my skin captured bits of you and after that I stopped thinking about us as two separate entities. When I whispered we could carve our names into each others’ skin I simultaneously meant ‘I would’ and ‘we have already.’
Be afraid of finding a job, be afraid of leaving your family, be afraid of having very little money but don’t be afraid of losing me. Don’t be afraid that I will stop loving you. or that I will resent you. or that I will realize I can do better than you. or that somehow I have wasted part of myself in you. Don’t be afraid that in ten years (fifteen, twenty-five, forty) I will have forgotten why I fought so hard for you. I love you and I’m ever going to leave you.
Hey- staying with someone forever isn’t easy. At least half the people who say they can do it can’t. I understand I’m not easy to love all the time. Nobody is. But I believe that when you love someone you love the peaks and the valleys. and just because it isn’t always easy doesn’t mean it is impossible. I promise- because you’re my best friend and (corny) other half- that when things get hard I won’t leave you or blame you or resent you. I promise to always be open-minded, forgiving, patient; I know you are all of these things. I feel like not many people get a shot like this and I don’t plan on squandering it- I love you. and I’m going to love you forever.
Also, PS, move here right now.
tonight I drank a bottle of red wine before ten pm. tonight I fell in love with you again.
my darling. how can I tell people that when I pull my dress off for you you look at me like I’m the first woman you’ve ever seen. how do I let the world know that you open me up the same way a flower blossoms- slowly, beautifully.
sometimes I resent ridiculous people. that girl you were best friends with in high school (who you say is a different person now), your sisters, the man you went to Las Vegas with to celebrate his marriage. because they knew you before I did. because they know the people you were and the people you are. sometimes I am overcome with jealousy as the fact I wasn’t your first. your first friend, your first love, your first lover, the first woman whose name you moaned in bed. I feel as though I was cheated from you. Like I lost too much time. Like now I will die still longing for more of you to fill me.
sweetheart. I know that’s crazy. I know we have years and years of time to love each other. I can’t help it- I’m greedy for you. forgive me- I love you aggressively. Possessively. I can’t stand the thought of anyone cumming on your tongue except for me.
I feel as though everything in my life has been a trial run, a drill, for meeting you, for loving you. I dream about you more often than I don’t. When you aren’t here I taste myself and imagine I’m dripping from your tongue as you kiss me. I don’t know how I lived without you. I know I could never do it again.
You are afraid, I know, because I’m young.
My mimi met my bapa when she was sixteen. they wrote each other while he was in korea. when he came home he married her. they were together until he died.
My grandmother met my grandfather when she was seventeen. they are still married today.
My mother and my father got married at twenty-two and twenty-four. They’re best friends.My father still leaves notes in my mother’s lunches. My mother still leaves love letters on his steering wheel.
It is in my blood to bond early and to stay that way. I’m smiling right now. I am half joking and I am mostly serious. You are my closest friend. You are perfect. Every moment we were broken up taught me to love you the way I love you today- I was dying without you- never feel guilty for that. I want rings and tattoos. Baby. I wish I could pay off the debt from your divorce right now. I hate that you were ever married to anyone else when you’ve always belonged to me. Colin. I don’t remember how I lived without you. Pookie. I couldn;t live without you. You make me selfless. You are everything I never knew I was missing.